Much appreciation

I have a new appreciation for those that can juggle lifes many fastballs and take it in stride.  A little background...  I am back to work full time now, Bless it be.  I am also working for St Cloud State as an adjunct faculty.  It is really only intended to be part time but in my world it is fulltime.  I am also a fulltime mother and wife.  Also I feel the need to warn you that this may be a bit rambled and rantish...  It may not even make sence...Now that being said...  I have tried very hard these last two weeks not to become overwhelmed with my crazy life.  I have tried hard to to bust out in tears cause I bit off more then I could chew.  I have tried not to yell at my husband or kiddo because I havent' gotten enough sleep.  I have tried to remember eveything I am spoced to be doing or following up with since my plate is overfull.  If I had to grade myself I would give me a solid B.  I have cried, cause I am human and I have feelings and limitations.  Both of which I have tested and pushed the limits of this past week.  I have unfortunately been short with both my husband and kiddo, simply becasue I wasn't sure how else to express my frustration.  I feel bad that I resort to beign short tempered when I can't just take a deep breath and reprioitize the situation.  Like seriously does the laundry basket full of towels need, I mean NEED, to get put away in 3 nights? (If you ask the real me yes it "needs" to but if you ask the realistic me, no it does not)  I hope this week that I can realize that my hubby did the best he could with our beautiful daughter while I was working late and that is all that matters.  Not that the towels were sitting in the laundry basket for 3 days...  I also hope that before I get short with my kiddo for "not listenting" that I relaize that this is hard for her too.  her mama isn't home every night like I used to be.  She too has some sort of "trauma" from what happened to our family last year.  I often try to forget that and chalk it up to she is young.  I am afraid that is not the case...  I am sad that my life so much became her life and is now affecting her.  I will work harder this week to focus on her feelings and realizing that at 3 a mama is very important and that she wouldn't ever intentionally not listen.  I need to look deeper at the situation and try to see it from her eyes.  That will be a challenge for me but I know I can do it. I think I need to find the good out of this situation of being overwhelmed or I too will be what I don't want to be... short tempered, crabby, and emotional.  I need to accept this challenge that God has given me, and learn what he is teaching me.  People do this everyday and they make it, and so will I! 
I try everyday to be a better person.  I try to look at the good and not the bad.  I try to be a good role model for others.  (ohh that word "try" is getting on my last nerve...)  Some days I may succeed and some days I may fall short.  I need to learn to be ok with that, tough lesson.  I need to learn to accept me for being me.  You would think that I would be getting the hang of this with all that life has thrown at me.  I dont' want to sound ungrateful for my life experiences, as they have taught me what I know but really...  All I want is 6 more hours in a day...I am not asking for more money or a new car.  Just more time... (or possibly a mini me... now that sounds fantastic)
As I posted on Facebook earlier this week... "I need to learn to say no."  I find that incredibly hard but I think for my own sanity I need to learn this.  I think for my family I need to learn to say this.  I wonder how one goes about learning this?  Does one just give it a try and it beings to feel right?  Does one never really learn the art of "no"?  I even feel horrible writting it... no...no...no....  even repeating it doesn't work...
I think I just feel like I don't want to miss out on an opportunity....  I don't want to disapoint anyone.... I was so close to not having more opportunities that I overwhelm myself now to be sure that I won't miss out.  Now doesn't that sound silly?  but really I think that is my fear.  If I say no I will miss out.
So as I get ready to find my pillow, that really misses me by the way, I will try to set my goals for the week at a reasonable level.  I will not expect the world from my family but expect the world for my family.  I will try to be easier on myself and realize that I am only human and that I can only do what I set my mind to.  I will try to be realistic with my own expectations and goals.  ahhh, good night and God Bless.
(Now I can sleep quilt free that I updated my blog :) he he he...  I sure hope that some of you are reading this!)