The picture above is of Monkey making me my Mothers Day cake. Now if that doesn't make me smile I don't know what does. Pretty cute isn't it. It also gave me a little sugar buzz and a slight stomach ache but it was so worth it! Again she always seems to make lifes trials and stresses so little and trivial to me. She keeps me grounded, as does Jeremy but, there is nothing like a crisis of a missing blankie or a good over tired crying session to make me realize what is important. What is important you may ask, well it is my family. My family makes me happy and for that I am greatful.
Per my last post I feel like I do owe an update :) Not a whole lot has changed or is new so that I guess is a good thing. I had a wonderful Easter surrounded by my family. I went out on a limb and hosted it here at the Funny Farm aka: Brandt House. I am sure the days before my neighbors were wondering what I was doing outside nightly dancing... I was doing the "good weather" dance as I really wanted people to be outside on the deck and not in my little casa. It all paid off as the day was beautiful. It helped me go into a stressful week of testing at peace and ready.
A couple weeks before Easter... I had met with the cardiologist, who I might add is an amazing man with a great deal of knowledge and excellent bedside manor, he was pretty sure that my problems were casued from a hole in my heart. (It is called a PFO- Patient Foramen Ovale) He scheduled me for a TEE (a special Echo to get a look at my heart via my esphagus.) and we scheduled the closure procedure immediately following the TEE. Needless to say a little versed and IV fluids later I did not require the closure. After getting a better look at the hole in my heart the Dr didn't feel that it was big enough to close, or big enough to be causing me any problems. Positve-I recieved enough medication that I didn't rememebr the procedure Negative-I unfortunately don't remember the conversation he had with me and Jeremy after the TEE. Ultimately my understanding is that they tried every manuver in the book to get blood to flow through the hole and show them that this was the problem but again I simply wouldn't, or my body simply wouldn't, comply with what was being asked :) (shocker I know.) They were only able to get a few bubbles to go through. No fault on anyone's part... It is what it is...
So that is why I say "I guess no new news is good news." Part of me, a big part of me, was hoping that there would be a fixable problem and that I could get back on that "Normal train." Is there even such a thing?? I was hoping that this would again help my breathing and I would keep "getting better." I thought that I was ok with them finding nothing prior to the test but I guess that isn't so much the case now. I still have no answer to why my sats drop, randomly. I have no understanding of what to avoid so it doens't occur again. I just know it isn't my heart, and that truly is a good thing. I was told "it surely is not your heart, as that looks very healthy." {{{sigh}}} I know right?!! The best part of the story is that I was given great meds and I had my family over for dinner that night, after the test, and I don't even remember! I guess we had great pizza and great laughs so again another positive outcome :) It is those little things that keep me going everyday. I can't waste time focusing on the what if's and should be's... those just are not reality. Reality is that I am still here, and even though it is hardly noticable any more, I am still improving.
I am still blessed that I have an amazing "team" of doctors that continue to appreciate my business and quirky issues. Funny I say team... sorta like a team of horses that keep pulling me forward everyday. Good thing I am still working on the floor as the week after my test I ran into my regular doctor and asked him, "what now?" To which his words of wisdom were.. "well we know it's not your heart." huh, yep he's right. We do know what it is NOT. So there again another positive :) I trust that he has my best intrest at hand and for right now that is enough.
Jeremy and I have contemplated getting a second opinion... I hear all of you that are encouraging it, really I do hear you. I have spent a lot of time thinking and praying for some sort of clue as to how to handle that topic. I however am not exactly sure where it will get me. There is a small chance it may get me something new... that can be good or bad depending on how you look at it. They could find something new, it could be fixable or not fixable... I could find a doctor that would close the PFO... I might gain some more insight on what life holds for me, maybe not... Notice how all of those are "coulds" and "mights"... OR, It could get me back to where I am now. Really is "now" so bad? I have amazing family, amazing friends, and great doctors. So for now the second opinion can wait. I am happy wiping the over tired tears from monkey's face and dealing with the missing blankie problems. And for those that know my husband and his lawn... I am even happy to deal with the hours my husband spends mowing, treating, fertilizing, watering, ultimately grooming the lawn. (really I will still crab about it but I am happy to deal with it) Right now really is ok.
It will take time... Time seems to give me the answers that I sometimes crave. Time is an unknown factor that we all at times take for granted. For now I will enjoy what I have and be happy with what it is :)
God Bless and Peace... K
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